"I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us."
—Anne Lamott
I selected a word of the year for the past two years to ground me with a particular intention. Last year, I selected TRUST and wrote a newsletter about my journey with the word.
Many people offer New Year’s resolutions, but we all know how that can go, well, for me, anyway. I see this concept of choosing a single word is not new to many of you, but it was to me, and I find its simplicity liberating. A single word for a year reminds me how I want to show up with people, what I choose to meditate on, and which prompts I choose to journal about.
As an Enneagram 2 (motivated by being needed and appreciated) I am inviting myself to ponder the word GRACE, for myself and others. This is a way of being generous to oneself and others without expectation. We intend to do the very best we can with what we know today in our journey of self-development. Sometimes we miss the mark in work and life, yet forgiveness and GRACE catch us when we fall short.
3 Musings on Work + Life
1. How to give yourself grace.
Recently, I read No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D., with a foreword by Alanis Morrissette (one of my favorite artists). Through his work as a psychotherapist for over 20 years, he developed the Internal Family Systems model (IFS). This is a challenging concept to grasp, yet in its essence, we are inherently good, yet we have parts of us that are child-like and haven’t fully developed. Thus, the ego comes in to protect us.
This model allows us to better understand our parts without letting them define who we are in totality. For example, I have a “perfectionist” part, an “inner-critic” part, and an “imposter” part, among many others. By working to understand better why I have these parts, I let them go and allow my true essence to lead my life. It takes a lot of GRACE to bring this forward.
With greater self-awareness, Dr. Schwartz shares the excitement and freedom of experiencing the eight Cs of Self-Leadership:
Curiosity
Calm
Confidence
Compassion
Creativity
Clarity
Courage
Connectedness
I use and recommend the RAIN method as defined by Tara Brach (psychologist, meditation teacher, and author) to help me better understand my parts:
R: Recognize the emotion and/or feeling
A: Allow it to be present
I: Investigate why it is there
N: Nurture it
You can read this article or listen to this podcast for a more detailed description of the RAIN method.
2. How to lead with grace.
Dr. Schwartz has brought the IFS model to many organizations and even countries. As we let go of our egos and better understand that our colleagues and teams also have their parts that are underdeveloped, we can strive to lead teams with the 8 Cs above and experience more qualities of GRACE with the 5 Ps below:
Patience
Persistence
Presence
Perspective
Playfulness
In Brené Brown’s last Unlocking Us podcast episode (sad to see it go) she shared how setting better boundaries and assuming good intent in others (they are doing the best they can), leads toward more generosity and GRACE with those with whom we lead and live.
3. How to integrate a life full of grace.
As we offer more GRACE to ourselves and others, we can have a greater impact and integrate it within our organizations, communities, and lives. Do you value GRACE? Adam Grant, a Wharton business professor and New York Times best-selling author, discusses generosity's value in his book Give and Take.
“As a giver at work, you simply strive to be generous in sharing your time, energy, knowledge, skills, ideas, and connections with others who can benefit from them…Givers succeed in a way that creates a ripple effect, enhancing the success of the people around them. You’ll see that the difference lies in how giver success creates value, instead of just claiming it.” Thus, more GRACE leads to greater generosity and increased impact.
Gifts
In Fast Company’s podcast, The New Way We Work, Dr. David Rock of the NeuroLeadership Institute talks about the factors that make work meaningful. He pointed to five forms of motivation, using the acronym "SCARF" which stands for status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, and fairness. If you want to show more GRACE in your organization, ask your team to take this assessment to better understand what makes work and life more meaningful to them.
Enjoy one of my favorite songs by Alanis and the GRACE she shows herself and her children leading to greater playfulness.
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