Thank you for your support on this journey as a women-owned business that is committed to inspiring organizations and individuals to reach their full potential with purpose, meaning, and joy and choosing to be a Benefit Corporation for Good. In recognition of this achievement I became a Founding Member of Grapevine’s Portland Chapter, a community of like-minded women who amplify giving for greater impact.
3 Musings on Work + Life…when it comes to Feedback
Why does feedback feel like the “F” word? This topic has come up a lot with my clients recently. I know when I receive feedback, I can feel defensive or hurt. Others can also feel this way when I give them feedback. Why is this? Some cringe at the word and now use “feedforward” to convey the information supports a person’s future self. However, feedback has benefits in our work and personal lives whether we are giving or receiving it. Here are three musings on the topic.
1. The key to receiving feedback is asking for it.
How often do we get anxious when someone says, “can I give you some feedback?” Let’s take back that control and instead ask for feedback. You are much more likely to receive it positively if you initiate the conversation, and you will begin to create a culture of giving and receiving feedback in both your personal and professional lives. According to this article from Gallup:
It builds a busy two-way street
It separates facts from feelings
It sets personal parameters
It deactivates the fight-or-flight response
Further, we need to watch out for our all too real tendency to avoid negative/corrective feedback. Leadership experts Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner, co-authors of The Leadership Challenge, put it succinctly:
"There is simply no way to get around the fact that you can't grow as a leader (or a person) without getting feedback. Researchers have found that people who seek out disconfirming feedback, (contrary to their self-perceptions) perform better . . . than those who only listened to people who see their positive qualities. Being aware of your weaknesses and shortcomings . . . whether you like it or not, is critical to improvement."
Let’s get brave, curious, and ask!
2. The key to giving feedback is knowing and sharing your intentions.
“Gallup recently discovered that only 21% of U.S. employees strongly agree that they have received meaningful feedback in the last week. Whether managers are shying away from uncomfortable topics or are willing but ineffective feedback providers, few employees are hearing what they need. And managers are overlooking a very effective technique they could use to build a better culture.”
When sharing feedback, pause and consider your intentions for giving it. This is a great way to set up a conversation with your friend or colleague. Let them know why you are sharing the feedback. I recommend using the Center for Creative Leadership’s SBI method:
Describe the specific SITUATION in which the behavior occurred. Include the time and place to reduce any confusion.
Describe the actual, observable BEHAVIOR being discussed. Keep to facts only and avoid inserting any opinions or judgments.
Describe the results of the behavior in terms of the IMPACT it had, whether the effect was positive or negative.
Be specific, concise, and not personal. After sharing the feedback, check in with how it impacted them. You want to ensure it aligns with your intent. If it doesn’t, you can do some repair work on the spot.
Another strategy Gallup recommends is to share feedback like a coach. This approach tends to be strength-based and future-focused encouraging growth and development. Friends and colleagues feel you care for them. In this article Gallup suggests the following 7 strategies.
Make feedback timely and futuristic
Promote strengths
Explain the fallout
Be concise and clear
Be direct and own your feedback
Communicate frequently and collaboratively
Ask for feedback
Ultimately, you want feedback to be frequent, short bursts so it becomes a fabric of your relationship and culture, avoids surprises on expectations, and your desire for their development.
3. The key to integrating feedback is self-reflection.
If we choose to grow and develop, we need to take the time to consider the feedback received and whether we want to integrate it into our lives.
In their book The Courage Way: Leading and Living with Integrity, Shelly Francis and the Center for Courage and Renewal share ideas about creating spaces of trust among people of diverse backgrounds and beliefs. They have identified eleven “touchstones” or “ground rules” to help move people into greater trust, belonging, and understanding. I believe these will help to create a feedback culture in work and life. I encourage you to meditate on the one to two of the following phrases (deeper descriptions are in the above link) and write some self-reflections on what is touching your heart and soul.
Give and Receive Welcome
Be Present as Fully as Possible
Extend Invitation, Not Demand
Speak Your Truth in Ways That Respect Other People’s Truth
No Fixing, Saving, Advising or Correcting Each Other
When the Going Gets Rough, Turn to Wonder
Practice Asking Open, Honest Questions
Attend to Your Own Inner Teacher
Trust and Learn from the Silence
Commit to and Maintain Confidentiality
Know That It’s Possible for the Seeds Planted Here to Keep Growing
Community Service Transitions
I am grateful to have the space and time to serve on nonprofit boards where I learn from leaders and have the opportunity to be connected to our community in a meaningful way.
In December I will complete two terms of service (6 years) serving on the board of Project Lemonade. If you are not familiar with this organization, it supports foster youth and provides resources for them to realize their gifts and gain confidence, so they achieve success in school and life. This photo is of the current board at our 10-year gala where we exceeded our fundraising goal.
In June I began serving on the Multnomah Athletic Foundation. It is grounded in support of youth participation in athletic and educational activities that promote discipline, leadership, and skill development. Founded in 1991, athletic participation is the heart of the foundation. This photo is from the recent Listen & Learn Series event on 50th anniversary of Title IX in partnership with SportOregon, an inspiring evening!
 Multnomah Athletic Foundation |  Project Lemonade |
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